R.U.S.H. An Acronym for Self-Regulation
Emotional Overwhelm Happens to Everyone
Working with teenagers for 15 years in a school setting and now in private practice, I’ve had the honor to walk alongside students who were struggling. A common scene occurred in my office at school—a student found themselves in the middle of drama, or encountered some type of conflict, or was the recipient of a cruel comment. Emotions were high, distress very real and heated, and sometimes disorienting, like the feeling of wanting to crawl out of one’s own skin. Teenage years can be tough, and the truth is, emotional overwhelm happens to everyone--adults and kids too.
The worst thing ever is to be told by someone to “calm down!” Not pleasant.
How does it happen that one minute things seem ok and the next minute emotions are difficult to manage and overwhelming? When things are hype, high distress, and emotions are getting bigger, when my body is activated and tense, and my mind is reeling with thoughts, the last thing anyone needs to hear is — “chill” or “calm down.”
How to Self-Regulate
The question arises… how does someone “calm down “on their own? Finding personal calm is a great goal and another way to label that is “self-regulation” or “emotional regulation” which is the ability to manage your own behaviors, reactions, and feelings in response to what’s going on. We aren’t talking about blame or conflict resolution in this moment (that’s another topic), but the question is — despite what just happened, how do I get a grip? If it is true that each one of us is responsible for our own selves, that means each person can find a way to gain personal control and activate a calm state.
It takes a few minutes, and you deserve the self-dignity to let yourself take time, explore, and shine a light on yourself. It’s not magic or instantaneous; it’s about learning to shift.
R.U.S.H. an acronym for Self-Regulation
Recognize - Step one is to recognize - What are you feeling right now? Label the feeling: sad, embarrassed, defensive, hurt, betrayed, isolated, etc. Ask - What is going on in me? Notice and recognize what’s happening in your body - is there, for example, chest tension, sweaty palms, or headache, etc.?
Understand - Once you recognize emotions and body symptoms, then get curious about what occurred? What triggered this response? Make a connection to understand your reaction and thoughts. It’s not making an excuse, but it’s making a self-observation. It can be an “aha moment” or “no wonder I feel this way” moment when you connect the dots.
Once you Recognize and Understand… then the “SH” of “RUSH” is two-fold.
1st: Stop and Get HELP - Stop and take time and space and get Help from a trusted person or help yourself. Ask someone to listen (and not lecture), to walk and talk. There are so many ways to help yourself: splash your face with water, count to 10 or 100 backwards, look in the mirror, pace, hold ice cubes, Thought Stop! I don’t have to do what I have done habitually or in the past (slam doors, verbally argue, hide/avoid, retaliate, etc.). You can also write your thoughts, draw, pace, jump on a trampoline, deep breathe, take a cold shower, or warm bath, etc. It could take 20 mins or longer and that’s ok.
2nd: Start Something Healthy - START a Healthy and intentional action step that includes self-compassion and self-care. Ask, what is good for me now in light of this difficult moment in time? How can I be kind to me? What is it I need? Let yourself answer these few questions. Healthy action ideas might include: eat a nutritious meal, take a nap, listen to calming sounds like ocean waves or rain, pet a dog, text a wise friend, walk in nature. Shift your thoughts to self-affirmations, mantras, and truths. The ideas are limitless.
Key is to give yourself permission to take the time needed to regulate your emotions. It is possible to respond versus react. You are capable and worth every minute and every hour it takes to self-regulate, understand your own reaction, and honor yourself. You have the power within you to change a thought or idea or perception, and often, feelings will follow. R.U.S.H. when emotions are high and give yourself a chance to find a calm state.
For more info about Self-Regulation, check out these sites and others:
https://self-reg.ca/blog/
https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/emotion-regulation/
For kids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sim2bkbH9jQ